Thoughts on Travel

• Should it be a new rule for Homeland Security that you must shower before boarding a plane? I think we can all agree that being trapped near a smelly person for 2+ hours of a flight is pretty unbearable. Perhaps if you haven't had the chance to properly cleanse, you can be sent through some sort of deodorizer.


• If it is 11:30 in the morning and you are on a shared van transfer to various area resorts with other travelers and you are also already inebriated, you should probably just keep your mouth shut. At the risk of irritating all other passengers, you should not repeatedly ask each of their names or if they're married or honeymooning. If you can't remember their answers, you probably didn't care in the first place. Or maybe it was just that 4th can of Bud you cracked. Looking at you, sweaty guy from Texas.


• Even though you've been in Mexico for a few days, if you are American, you should probably not say "gracias" to the Customs Officer granting your readmission into the country. It will cause him to look twice at your passport. You never want them to look twice.


• When you arrive at the airport with what, in your mind, is plenty of time to get checked in and through security, only to discover a line the lengths you've never seen at the ticket counter, be sure you get in the RIGHT line to begin with. Do not go on the say-so of other passengers around you. This will cost you valuable time and the counter agent will admonish you for checking in 5 minutes past the 60 minute ahead deadline for an international flight. They'll still check you in. But you'll get the stinkeye.


• If you think you've gotten a great deal by traveling to Mexico towards the "tail end" of the "rainy season", you might want to reconsider why that deal was so great. And also why the resort is only at 50% capacity.


• Should a gecko make his way into your room just before bedtime, you will need the following in order to catch him: 1) a wife hiding in the bathroom, 2) a husband who doesn't feel that great from all those drinks, 3) a styrofoam cup, 4) a chair, 5) an umbrella. It may take awhile, but you'll get that gecko.

More on Mexico another day. Promise!