Nerves

Just about 3 weeks until the half marathon. I can only assume that others who have reached this point in training for their first long race are feeling much like I am. Doubtful, nervous, tired. I have followed my training plan almost to a T. I’m actually quite proud of that, thinking early on that I would certainly skip runs here and there but really, I haven’t. I have just completed my longest ever run at 10 miles. I think my doubts are coming from the amount of time it took me and the amount of walking I succumbed to. Finally, two hours after I began, I was spent, which I expected. My mind wasn’t in this run at all. As John and I pulled into the park we both said, “I’m really not in the mood for this.” I was sunk before I set sail. Unfortunately, my pace was a lot slower than my projected 10/min mile pace that I originally set for myself. I think it might be time to re-evaluate my pace projections. Time to face reality. Now, I believe that as long as I finish, I have succeeded. Sure, I’d like to run it sub-2:30 but I’m not sure that’s attainable. I’d rather not die before it’s over. It will all come down to the conditions of the day, I guess. No two training runs are alike. What’s curious is that the day after a terrible 10 mile run, my body has bounced back much quicker than the day after a great 9 mile run. What is that about?
I wish I had been able to squeeze in a 5K or 10K as recommended but those races didn’t line up the way I wanted them to. I hope I don’t suffer because of that. For now, I have to try to push these skeptical thoughts from my head and wipe out this defeatist attitude. Running is all mental and my mind needs to get to a better place. Fast! My dad keeps asking if I’ve hit that runner’s high yet. I say no. If you don’t really know, you probably haven’t, right? My hope at the end of this 12 weeks was that I would love running. So far, I still don’t love it. It’s tolerated, at best. Dang, there go those negative thoughts again. Fake it till you make it. I will finish this race as strong as I can with a smile on my face. And then I will never run double digit miles again.
Looking for encouragement from those who’ve been there…….