Monday, December 6, 2010

In which the lights are still not on

Picture this:

A couple in their late 20's awake on a Saturday morning, the Saturday in which they promised each other the outside Christmas lights would go up, to snow. One family member suffering in the midst of a sinus infection has no gloves. The other chastises like a child who needs idiot mittens. (Note to self: Make John idiot mittens) They begin at 7:45 am before the snow becomes to heavy to put up said lights.

The woman wraps the small tree's trunk in a strand of white lights. The man comes out and says the wrong end is at the top. The male end of the plug needs to go at the bottom. The woman has to think about which end is male and which is female every.single.time the man mentions this. Every.Time. And often still gets it wrong. The man finds it impossibly difficult to unravel the net lights for the four small bushes. The woman fixes this, as usual.

Man: Did you mean to buy green?
Woman: Well the net itself is green so it blends in.....oh, the lights are green! No, I most certainly did not mean to buy green.
Man: The box says green on it.
Woman: I thought that meant green like earth-friendly. (Not my finest moment)
Man: Well, it'll just be an OU house.
Woman: OK, we'll go with that.

Net untangled. The dimensions on the box that stated 72" by 48" do not seem true. The net barely covers one bush. The woman, determined not to cry, nixes the net. We'll just have the white lights on the tree and the lighted garland on the lamp post, she says, that'll still look nice. The man complains that his hands are cold. The woman bites her tongue so as not to mention the idiot mittens again. The man starts winding the last strand of lights on the tree branches. It doesn't even go around once. Defeat admitted, the net is returned to the store that has, in 12 hours, sold out of all remaining lights.

At the end of this 30 minutes debacle, lighted garland needs an extension cord and is completely snow covered as it snowed ALL DAY. Only the tree trunk is wrapped in lights.

Stay tuned......

1 comment:

I want to hear what you have to say. Really!