Monday, December 13, 2010

Massage Mess up

This past Saturday, I got a massage. I love massages but hadn't had one in more than 2 years. Back in September, there was a Groupon for a $20 60 minute massage. I snapped that baby right up! Then, I called to try to schedule an appointment. I never reached an actual person any time I tried. Finally, I e-mailed instead. She responded, but it took awhile. Oh, and one time she returned a voicemail to me on a Saturday night at 8:30pm. I didn't answer.

Finally. FINALLY, I was able to schedule a Saturday appointment.......3 months away. She was so busy from the Groupons that there were no other openings. But, I took the appointment thinking that even though it wasn't until December, I would probably really need a massage in the middle of all the Christmas stress. Certainly my back would need some relief after spending hours carrying shopping bags around the mall.

I drive to the building, which is next to a creepy bar called The Phone Booth. The building, equally as creepy, only has 1 car in the parking lot. I go inside and find the office on the directory, up 4 stairs and try to open the door. Locked. I knock. Nothing. Okay, I'm early. I'll just wait. And wait, and wait. And find a strange bathroom downstairs. And hear masseurs greet each other in another office. And wait. 4 minutes after my appointment should have already begun, I call her. "I'm just around the corner. I couldn't get out of my house this morning." Well....okay, I'll just keep waiting.

This woman looks like a homeless person. Her hair is all over the place. Her sweatpants are 3 sizes to big for her, and she's wearing a Superman t-shirt. And I'm about to let her rub me down. She tells me she uses a pretty deep technique and to tell her if anything hurts. In the course of an hour, I wanted to scream out in pain a good 25 times. She caused pain in areas I never knew could hurt so badly. Not once did I ask her to lighten up. A massage is supposed to be relaxaing, that's true. But, I feel if she's causing me great discomfort by digging knife-like fingers into a specific knot, well, that knot needed to be reckoned with. It wasn't all bad. I'd say about 50-50 between pain and relief.

She was very nice. Just a little off. For $20, I guess you get what you pay for. If I had paid her full amount, I would not have been a happy camper.

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