Father Time is Ticking

Well, this is it. The last month of my twenties. Time to go out and do something really crazy that is completely unacceptable for a 30 year old to do. I don't really know what that might be but I'll find something. Even if it's staying up past 10:00 pm on a weeknight. That would be really nutty. I'm not gonna lie. This birthday has got me down. I usually love my birthday. Everyone says 'age is just a number' and 'you're only as young as you feel.' The truth is, I feel old. Physically, my body is in better shape now than it ever has before so that's not the problem. I see teenagers or people in their early 20's and think, 'my God, they look young.' Then I do the mental math and figure out how much older than them I am. You should never do this. It only sets you up for sadness. Then you look in the mirror and wonder where those lines on your face came from and how did they get there if I didn't invite them?!

I told John I wanted to go away for my birthday. Then I told him we don't need to take a trip since Europe is  only 70 some-odd days away. Then I changed my mind again and said that I NEEDED to get away that weekend. Maybe your thirties are all about being fickle? I'd really like to go lie on a beach somewhere. Unfortunately, driving is more budget friendly than flying and beaches within driving distance in April aren't always so temperate.

I can't help but feel like I'm closing a huge chapter of my life. In the last 10 years I: graduated college, moved to a new city where I knew no one (and still don't know that many people), got married, took a bunch of amazing vacations, got in shape, bought a dog, bought a house, bought two cars, started this blog that hardly anyone reads, dyed my hair brown, went back to blonde again, read a lot, shopped a lot, lived a lot. What happens if your twenties are all about finding yourself and becoming comfortable in adulthood and maybe you haven't done that yet? What if there are parts of your life that don't make sense or don't make you happy? It's not too late to change them, right? Please say no.

If you didn't understand this stream of consciousness, don't mind me. I'm just an old lady rambling.