My bologna has a first name....

O-S-C-A-R. I love the Oscars but this year, I failed them. I didn't see any of the nominated films. John promised we could see a movie this coming weekend so I'm waiting to see what wins. Since the show ends well past my bed time, I guess I won't know what we're seeing until Monday. I'm just going to make bullet point comments during the Red Carpet coverage and part of the show.

• Jessica Biel -- Why are you always at the Oscars? 7th Heaven doesn't include you in this elite list, neither does your slew of movies no one can even name (Ahem, Summer Catch). Is it just because you're pretty?
• Beyonce -- I don't like your dress. I still love you, though. Where is Jay-Z?
• Kate Winslet -- Just stunning.
• SJP -- I thought you guys were getting divorced. Your barely mint dress is nice.
• Taraji P. I can't remember your last name -- I like your haircut.
• Holy sequins, Miley! Also, she just told someone that she hopes she'll be getting an Oscar for her upcoming movie. Good luck with that, Hannah Montana.

..............Break for Vino...........

• Penelope Cruz -- I like your dress but I don't really like you. Also, you won't win. Oops, or maybe you will
  

• Hugh Jackman -- Bravo. I appreciated your efforts. Your number with Beyonce went on a bit long but that's ok. And really, the HSM kids too?
• Camera people, way to cut to Angelina while Jennifer is presenting. Classy.
  
• Oh, Heath Ledger. *tear*
  
• I would like to go to Bollywood.
• Mmmm, John Legend.
• In Memoriam -- Touching. Nice with Queen Latifah instead of orchestral stylings. Oh, the director of Jean de Florette died. That means nothing to you unless you took French.
  
• No surprises on awards. Guess we'll be seeing Slumdog this weekend.

As a whole, the show was fine. It flowed well and moved along more quickly than in past years. I don't have a whole lot more to say. And I don't feel like digging up pictures to comment on fashion. Ashley out.