Tuesday, May 7, 2013

In a Fight

-Weeds in my yard. Take notice. You are not welcome 'round these parts. I spent 3 hours digging and pulling last Saturday. How do dandelions multiply so fast? They are like rabbits. Plant rabbits. Or something. Return from whence you came and not into my freshly mulched flower beds.

-Hey girl(s) at yoga. Quit kicking over your metal water bottle during class. I don't care if it was an accident. It's loud and disruptive. If you are not aware of your personal surroundings, you need to back up out of that standing bow pose and recognize.

-Sadie! I am mad at you for barking at nothing all the time. That is all.

-Almond milk. Why you gotta taste so good but be so much more expensive than regular milk? I mean, I get it. Cows continually produce milk but once the almonds are used, that's it. You have so many fewer calories than regular milk and you are so easy to digest. Lucky for you, cows, you aren't out of business yet because your product is so cheap.

-Person who booked the seat next to me on the long haul from Newark to Heathrow. That seat was empty for months and you just haaaaad to have it, didn't you? Well, please shower and keep to yourself. And don't laugh at my eye mask and ear plugs. We all need our beauty rest.

-Exchange rate in England and France. You are terrible. Please stop being so uneconomical for travelers. Sometimes I like to pretend the prices are actually just dollars. I say to myself, Oh that's not so bad. Then I do some quick math in my head and cry.

But, in ten days, I will deplane in London and all these fights will fade away.

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